Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Happy April Fools' from Tokyo Metro

I am so very pleased to announce that the Tokyo Metro peeps realized they hadn't even scratched the surface with these manner posters! There is no longer a time limit on these puppies so you can expect to see more in the coming months. And of course, the biggest news of all is that Creepy Sweepy got himself a girlfriend! She's certainly not the hawtest bird you ever saw but I think it's sweet that they have matching glasses.

Either that, or he really is a weird perv touching on a fellow passenger who also happens to be getting kicked and imposed on by the guy to her right. He looks a bit foreign doesn't he, maybe they are discriminating against the gaijin again. Just kidding, I won't get all Debito on you. Whatever Mr. Imposer is, he is clearly a grade A asshole. Kind of like the one I shoved on the train yesterday morning. You see, the problem lies not only with behaviour on the train but behaviour in the station and on the platform. I am becoming increasingly physical with those around me and I don't mean that in a whorey way. Try as I might I often arrive at work steaming after getting body-checked or booby-bashed and it is not good for my mental health. I do go looking for it sometimes however, and if I see that some asshole intends to make me move out of the way by literally standing still in front of me, I will shove into them and believe me, it will hurt. I don't know why I do this, I guess I figure if the fucker is going to run into me anyway because he's not looking or assumes I'll get out of the way, I like to add a little force to the encounter that says, Don't fuck with me please.

I'm all about the rules in train stations except for extenuating circumstances such as running late or having feet that are being killed softly by my heels. Especially during rush hour, people need to line up in the appointed areas and wait their fucking turn. Unfortunately my station has lots of unfortunately-placed pillars that happen to coincide with those lines that indicate where the doors are. So the dilemma is, do you feel up the pillar and stay within the line or do you stand on the other side of the pillar, both missing the line and anyone standing within it? Not surprisingly I like to stand within the line when I am the first one waiting. Despite this, some mornings bitches ignore that fact and stand on the other side of the pillar outside the line. This is OK if they give me right of way or if I can easily take right of way by a quick and precisely-timed side step. Yesterday the grade A was too fast and made it to the side of the door I had planned on standing by while some people got off the train. Somewhat surprisingly I took this in stride and waited on the other side until I could jump in the train and grab a seat before him. The alighting traffic eased up earlier on my side so I hopped on but he was having none of that and shoved his way on, past me, and practically ran to a seat, salivating. So I shoved him from behind. Hard. He looked about to topple and then pathetically tried to shove me back as I went past him. I'm not sure how this looked to other passengers. Hopefully they just thought he was a fucker shoving poor innocent me out of the way. Perhaps they just nodded their heads and thought, yup, put a gaijiness in a pencil skirt and heels and she is still a barbarian. After all that the motherfucker got off at the next station.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

"if I see that some asshole intends to make me move out of the way by literally standing still in front of me, I will shove into them and believe me, it will hurt. I don't know why I do this, I guess I figure if the fucker is going to run into me anyway because he's not looking or assumes I'll get out of the way, I like to add a little force to the encounter that says, Don't fuck with me please."

I'm gaijin, and agree with most of your post -- I cannot believe the manners in the subway! I'm annoyed daily, but I'm a 6'2", 210lb male -- I generally don't move out of the way for anyone but women, children and old men, and I do that because my mother raised me right. I also give my seat up for old people and women in heels (heck, I'd want someone to give up the seat for my wife/daughters, especially if they're wearing heals!). It's interesting though, what a sense of entitlement you have for people to get out of your way.

Green-Eyed Geisha said...

I do have a sense of entitlement but it is perhaps not as fucked up and gaijin-princessesque as you think. I feel entitled to walk down the street and be given a fair go when it comes to my fellow pedestrians and commuters. What I lack in Amazonian height I certainly make up for in Amazonian attitude, but I keep in line and walk on the correct side of the sidewalk when it's busy. Despite this, I have had so many encounters where the person coming towards me (against ped traffic I might add) will stop and literally make me go around them. I have tried hugging the wall to avoid them and you know what they do? They then hug the wall and force me to go around. I have found a lot of people very hostile but it would probably be a stretch even for a neurotic like me to chalk it up to the fact that I am a gaijin. I don't have an answer for it though, and I don't see that kind of thing happening between the Japanese around me. I have never had this shit pulled in other big cities nor seen such huge numbers of people who either aren't aware of anyone else walking around them or simply don't care.

You sound like a decent guy Anon, but giving up your seat for women in heels may be a bit much considering approximately 97.846% of women in Tokyo are sporting them.