Take off your bra and show some collar

着付け　No unfortunately there is no seedy story to follow in which the above was said to me. Rather, they are the innocent words of my kimono sensei. Since my days as an exchange student in Japan when I took classes from a professional kimono seamstress I have wanted to take kitsuke classes in which one learns how to wear and dress in kimono. If you've ever seen someone dress or undress (lucky you) with kimono, you'll know that there are at least two or three layers of underclothes as well as an assortment of belts, strings, padding and clips which could never be guessed from looking at a woman clad in kimono. In my kitsuke classes I am learning the magic behind the scenes that go into making a kimono ensemble look flawless. And I might add, it is the most relaxing and meditative part of my week. I don't mean that in an orientalist way, like oooh I just lo-ove how relaxing and zen I feel after my Japanesey bonsai/tea ceremony/flower arranging/sword brandishing/calligraphy classes are. I mean in my until recently paranoid and at times depressing days in Japan, I have never had a block of time where I can concentrate solely on one thing, take pleasure in that, and forget about the games going on in my head.

I found a great kitsuke school which is both convenient and unpretentious. There are a lot of big commercial schools that are more like factories turning out women who can now dress like proper ladies. These schools also tend to be like finishing schools for women, cramming in lessons about manners and are a bit too hoity toity for my liking. Many people in the kimono industry are starting to realize that if they want to keep this culture alive they need to stop acting so preachy towards younger women and loosen some of the rules that govern how kimono are worn, in what colour and pattern coordination and in what situation. Wearing kimono does come with a set of manners and body movements to prevent any unsightly exposure but I don't want to pay for lectures on how to be a lady. I'm lady enough.

So on my first day of school I went in a sports bra which is how I've flattened myself for kimono and yukata before. That was the first thing out the window. "Take off your bra" my new sensei instructed. First we tried me in a kimono with no padding or bells and whistles and then started building up from there. To start I got a kimono bra which makes me look the most androgynous I've looked since I was about 11. Then I got some towelling for my lower back to fill in the curve down to my ghetto booty. Last came what looks like a bullet-proof vest but is made of cotton to further flatten my chest.

Fast forward to now when I can now tie an otaiko musubi or a drum bow by myself (it's quite athletic work). I have a few sessions left until the end of the first course, but I'm planning to eventually take a certificate course which would certify me to work as a professional dresser of others. I don't plan to do this but I'm interested in learning the variety of styles and history they teach at that course level. I want to know it all!!

I love the smell of tatami mats and the feel of sliding over them in tabi socks. I love the feeling when all the wrinkles in a kimono I'm wearing are smoothed out and the collar sits just right. I especially love the feel of putting the pieces together, folding the fabric and getting the right lift on an otaiko musubi. It's like putting a puzzle together and when the pieces are properly put together, you know you've tied it right. I'm still surprised sometimes when I'm practicing, at how well everything fits together when done properly, and I can't help but marvel at the ingenuity of it all.

I just found a fantastic page that explains the kimono collar and how the degree to which it is pulled down indicates how much of a whore you are. Coming up in part 2...

やはりえもんを多めに抜くと商売っぽくなりがちですね

High Heeru Woes

I discovered today why my high heeru (high heel) shoes are always getting banged up only around the heel stem - it's the mean streets of Tokyo. Last year I kept noticing that the fabric on all the heels of my shoes was getting ripped and scrunched up and the beau kept saying it's because I use the shoe on the other foot as leverage when taking them off. But no! Today on the way to work I had another heel-stuck-in-the-pavement-but-trying-to-look-cool-about-it moment. Luckily I was walking right next to a building so I ever so casually used the wall for balance as I wrenched out my heels while trying to look fabulous and carefree. When I took these babies (above) out this morning they were fine, fabric intact. Now upon examination I see they got ripped up when my heel got stuck in the man hole cover earlier today. Agh!

I have among other paranoia, including the sound of my own pee, developed heel paranoia. Especially with a certain pair of black pointy heels that I wear more than anything. I swear, I'll be clicking along when something just doesn't feel right. I try adjusting my pace or my gait but something is still up. I become more and more convinced that one of the heels is about to snap off any minute and be left behind on the sidewalk. And not without good reason. Last year I noticed a wobble in one of my black heels and sure enough, the heel had come unstuck from the rest of the shoe. I was still a fair way from a cobbler so I had to soldier on trying to walk so that my heel wouldn't pop off. The next minute it just snapped free and the worst part is, I didn't notice immediately because I was walking so fast - I looked back and there it was lying on the ground. Too mortified to see if anyone was watching I didn't look up but I know I'd laugh if I saw some poor woman's heel snap off like that.

When I got to the cobbler he said it was serious and would have to put some screws in the heel to keep it on. This would take several hours. I had to get back to work. So he loaned me an awful pair of dowdy Office Lady shoes - the kind those dark and dated no-name neighbourhood shoe stores sell (you know the ones if you live here). Kind of orthopedic but desperately trying to be trendy with a stubby square heel and a toe that can't make up its mind to be square or pointy. Plus they were at least a size too small so I could hardly walk. I didn't leave my desk the whole afternoon for fear of being seen in the OL shoes.

I never see Japanese women getting stuck, but I guess they are lighter on their feet than I. I've never seen shoes so beat up as I have here though. Before I found my first shoe cobbler I was convinced there were none after seeing so many women hobbling around on heels that had been worn down to metal nubs.

Aside from the broken heel incident I have constantly gotten my heels stuck in sidewalk cracks, subway grates and the runners of sliding doors. Up until now I never realized how much momentum I build when walking. This becomes painfully clear when your foot is almost ripped off when your heel gets jammed behind you. So even now I test the sturdiness of my heels every so often but I still feel phantom wobbling when I walk.

Rivalry and Jealousy do Shimbashi

腕比べ　One of my favourite old-skool Japanese authors is Nagai Kafu (荷風 永井） and I was naturally pumped when I heard that his book Udekurabe, or Rivalry, has been translated into English again. I read the translation titled Geisha in Rivalry by Kurt Meissner and Ralph Friedrich several years ago when I picked up a secondhand copy but to my delight, this new translation by Stephen Snyder is the first full translation including what Japan culture guru Donald Richie calls "carnal descriptions". Ooh! The 1917 version was edited and parts deemed too racy were cut out-Snyder's version Rivalry: A Geisha's Tale includes all the cut parts which make for a slightly more sexy look at the geisha of Shimbashi. Although it is fiction, I put my faith in it's accurateness due to the fact that Kafu was writing about his world, his time and he was definitely a customer of Tokyo's geisha districts, including Shimbashi, as well as the licenced prostitution quarter, the Yoshiwara. This man knows what he's talking about.

In his article linked above, Richie says "there has long been much confusion about just how far geisha go" and from this novel we "learn that, given proper motivation, they go the whole way". Why is there always such a fuss about whether geisha sleep with their customers or not? They are human after all, so of course some of them sleep with their customers. I'm not saying all of them and in a way that is as blatent as exchanging money for straight up sex, but it seems with the West's recent fascination with geisha, many people want to believe they are simply practioners of the traditional arts and scintillating conversationalists. Yes, I believe at the foundation of what they do they are both, but to think putting men and women together in this kind of customer-entertainer/hostess relationship is not going to lead to some sex is a bit unreasonable, shall we say? It's almost as if Western geisha fans wouldn't be able to be so adoring if the apples of their eye were doing some of the customers. That would be akin to being interested in prostitutes wouldn't it? No, couldn't have tha-at. Although I suppose even if some of them did accept the sex they might be able to justify their continuing fascination and adoration by noting that it is a different culture. I mean, isn't that part and parcel to the whole exotic Asian woman image thing that some people have going in their minds?

But I digress. Either way, who cares if some geisha sleep with their customers? It doesn't make them any less better at dancing, musical instruments or conversation. The flower and willow world just is and no amount of analyzation or discussion will have any impact on it. I remember sitting next to a geisha and her patron was like, need some money? Here. And he tucked a wad of cash in the front fold of her kimono. I looked around at the other people at the bar and no one batted an eye. That's just the way it is. (I suppose we don't bat an eye at money in a stipper's thong either though.)

I loved reading the new translation and can't wait to pull out my copy back home so I can look at some of the differences in translation of these people I aspire to. One thing that was interesting and in retrospect I wish I had kept a running list of, was the Japanese words Snyder chose to translate and those he left in Japanese. There are some that are not translatable but while reading I remember sometimes thinking, why did he translate this but leave that? I also lovvved Kafu's descriptions of the clothing worn by the men and women of that era-but again I would also like to see the other translation/Japanese original as he used words like obi and sash where it seemed from my perfunctory knowledge of kimono anatomy, they could be the same. On a side note, two of Kafu's novellas have been translated as During the Rains and Flowers in the Shade and are worth-reading glimpses into the world of prostitutes and cafe girls in 1930s Tokyo. I don't think it's still in print but I found it through my university library.

Despite the fact that there are more geisha fans today than in 1963 when the first translation was completed, both translations include the word geisha in the title which simply means "rivalry" in Japanese. I looked up the title in Japanese (see the kanji above) for the first time and it had never occurred to me that the word would be comprised of "arm" and "competition" or "comparison". They should have just called it A Tale of Arm-wrestling Geisha. Mr. Richie muses that the new translation and cover choice have been spurred by the Geisha Phenomenon. Obviously, so have a ton of other photography books and biographies. Apart from the general authoritative Books on Geisha (Liza Dalby's thesis-turned-book is the only one to read as far as I'm concerened) or revenge autobiographies (Mineko Iwasaki), I'm glad books like Sayo Masuda's autobiography and this sexy version of Kafu's novel are getting picked up by publishers because I just can't get enough and perhaps one day I too, will be able to translate something fantastic.

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Because today is book day and I also finished reading it recently, I wanted to mention Lea Jacobson's Bar Flower which is a memoir about life as a hostess in Tokyo. It is not as simple as that and includes a lot of interesting observations about Japanese culture and what it is like to live here as a Foreign Woman with a non-English related job. After reading Cynthia Gralla's fictionalized account of her life as a hostess and Anne Allison's anthropological field study, both of which were interesting, it was a pleasure to read Bar Flower which is honest, introspective and had me going uh-huh I-totally-get-that many times.

Massacre in Akihabara

About six hours ago, a man in his twenties drove a truck into a pedestrian zone in Akihabara electric town and went on a stabbing spree, where 7 people were left dead and 10 injured. I saw this on the news before going out for the day, and as I rode past Akihabara station on the Hibiya line I wondered if the station would be pandemonium but it actually seemed more quiet than usual, especially for a Sunday afternoon.


Once I got home and watched the news again, it was clear from the footage that the station was empty because everyone was crowded around the intersection where it happened, watching the police clear away the mess. I've noticed this before, but the news in Japan always features blood. If there is a murder or some kind of accident, you can be sure there will be a close up of the blood on the pavement. I didn't watch TV for several years before coming back to Japan, so I don't have anything to compare it to, but I can't ever recall seeing blood shown in such a way on the news. I don't think I can expect people to look away at the scene of an accident, I've certainly done my share of neck craning to see an accident, but zooming in on a victim's blood and blood drenched medical equipment seems a bit sick and disrespectful to me. If I was the victim or the victim's family, I certainly wouldn't want my blood on the news.

The killer who was nabbed by the police a short time later apparently said that he had come to Akihabara to kill people. Who is this guy and how did he manage to kill seven people with a knife??? I understand it was crowded as Akiba always is on a Sunday but the logistics of it are a bit mind-boggling: how did he manage to get around to so many people without either alerting others to the fact that there was a lunatic brandishing a knife, or causing enough of a scene for people to start running away? I mean, he drove a big moving truck into a pedestrian zone, hopped out and started stabbing people.

It will be interesting to see what happens after this to ideas about public safety in Tokyo. Akiba is known as many things: tourist destination, electronic town, home to maid cafes and street performances by young female idols that reclusive and nerdy men flock to. And today it will also be known as the scene of a massacre. I can't help but think there but for the grace of god...I've been a pedestrian several times there in the last few months, shopping for things to make my life more comfortable and looking at the nerdy men with cameras in disgust.

Please do it at home

家でやろう I've been noticing over the last couple of months these new posters adorning the walls of subway stations here in Tokyo. I love the graphics and pop-ish style of them all, and in particular this one with the eyelash curler.

According to the Tokyo Metro site, this campaign encouraging manners on the subway is going to run into next year, with the poster changing every month. I wonder what we can expect in July! I am personally hoping for one that discourages picking either your nose or scalp and eating the product of it-both of which I have seen enough times to think there is a problem. Yes it would be nice if the Metro people would encourage passengers to pick their noses at home!

Now I have two questions in case anyone is a) actually reading my blog and b) feels moved to comment.

1) Is the first poster showing four different scenarios or is it a progression of one? If so, is the woman depicted getting angry at her lover and then being pacified? Or is she knitting her brow and yelling because there is no cell reception in the subway and the person on the other end of the line can't hear her life or death message?
2) What would you like to see on the posters in coming months?

I'm thinking one discouraging puking would be nice. A depiction of a salaryman projectile vomiting onto a fellow passenger could work nicely. Or one asking little old ladies to keep their elbows to themselves when rushing for the only seat left in the carriage. Oh! Or one that discourages drooling on the shoulder of your neighbor as your head lolls dangerously close to them. How many months is that? Can the Metro think tanks really come up with 12 "manners" that can be deemed problem enough to fill one year of posters? I've seen some interesting behavior on the trains but compared with some of the sketchy shit that goes on in other cities, it all seems rather tame and amusing.

I don't know that any of the millions of passengers riding the subway through Tokyo everyday are going to take heed of these posters, except maybe to appreciate them as I do-depicting some of the behavior that either pisses or puts me off. I do hope they come up with an explicit and shocking one of a chikan (molester) feeling up some poor woman. Most of the posters in the anti-molestation campaigns that I have seen either depict only women or they show a shady silohuette of a man in the background of the message telling women to speak out against molesters on the train. I would hope that putting the problem out there a little more explicitly might make some people uncomfortable enough to stop treating it like an annoying occurrence on the way to work and actually speak out a bit more. Or is that just illogical thinking on my part?

And then the rains came

梅雨　There are good days when you wake up, have sex, go to work and the sun is shining. There are others when you wake up, find out you've missed the boat for cheap tickets home and it rains. The rainy season in Japan started today to give you an indication of the kind of day I'm having. Then I found out after calling around to 5 travel agencies that there are no cheap tickets left for August travel and I am going to have to pay up the ass (in the ballpark of 200,000 yen/$2,000) for a ticket to Canada. This has brought tears to my eyes several times already today- I'm going to Canada for fuck's sake, not Tahiti or some exotic and sexy destination.

The worst part is, I can't help it. I have to pay the sucker's price for travelling during the obon period in Japan. Now if people were actually returning to their hometowns within Japan to pray and wait for their ancestors to return maybe international travel wouldn't be so expensive. But for many people this is the only time they can get off work so they go international. Like the beau. So we are stuck travelling at the busiest and most expensive times ALWAYS. I am aware of my whininess but I am really fucked off right now-if taking time off work wasn't so stigmatized here I wouldn't be getting screwed over by the Suits. We had tried to go earlier this year but the beau's evil conniving boss couldn't give him time off so we have to go in August. She is such a biatch! The beau runs things for her yet she never raises his salary AND he is forced to travel during the most expensive times. I constantly feel like I am getting screwed here except it's not the kind I like.

So pair that with the return of the umbrella battle season and I am just fucking thriiilled right now. I think this year I may buy I giant black golf umbrella to step up my game on the streets. My friend aptly called these "salaryman umbrellas" the other day because you often see these salarymen walking down the always small and busy sidewalks with gargantuan umbrellas which leaves everyone around them shielding their eyes and ducking out of the way. I often do silent battle with these men by shoving back with my own umbrella which ends up serving no purpose other than to further piss me off. Yes, this year it's time to upsize.

And now for someting completely different...

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
新人旅行 As promised, a report on the Kaisha sponsored bonding trip last weekend.

The ryokan we stayed at was lovely actually, it was like a huge villa with several gardens in the centre and ponds filled with koi (carp), and there were huge rocks placed everywhere (including our rooms). We didn't stay at "Hotel Oh!" featured to the left, which I saw from a bus window, but at this lush place to the right. There were six other women in my room so we slept like sardines in two rows of futon and we all pretended not to mind sleeping so close to people we didn't know. In terms of bonding success, I had a great time hanging out with the other-foreign-girl-at-the-office but didn't exactly hit it off with anyone else. I'm just not interested in having an in depth conversation about whether I'm going to bring omiyage souvenirs back for people at the office or what I should talk to the Top Professionals on the trip about. Yes, this is what the secretaries chatted about while we passed the time before dinner. Dinner was a large enkai banquet in a huge room where we all sat on the floor in rows with our own small tables. There was a seating chart passed out beforehand and the secretaries in my room were stressing about what they could talk about with the Professionals or Top Professionals they were seated next to. There were also sighs over how they would have to continue plying them with beer as soon as their cups began to look low (a common practice here). When one began worrying that she didn't know how to properly mix whiskey or bourbon, another informed her rather matter-of-factly that she could just order it and it would come to the table mixed. God how worldly are we?! I felt like screaming at them to stop worrying so much about this bullshit but I guess when you always have to be Switched On it's par for the course.

The enkai was quite fun actually, the food was delish and because I am a foreign amazon I was also plied with lots of beer. I too was worried about who I would be sitting next to but for different reasons. I've had a couple work parties so far when I have been completely ignored by the male Professionals. I don't mean in a showering me with attention way, but in a I am a fellow human why do you pretend I'm not here kind of way. So much for the sweeping generalization that Japanese people are sooo kind. ANYWAY. I was seated next to a cute young Professional who was very kind and let me talk his ear off and then told me about backpacking through India. Finally a real conversation! And with a Local! I was a bit horrified with myself however, when I noticed that I was using hand movements that I would never use in English. What you ask? Covering my mouth when I laugh (my teeth are nice and why should I be ashamed about laughing with my mouth open?!) and shaking my hand back and forth to indicate no I would never do tha-at, or no, stop! you are TOO amusing! I must learn to speak Japanese like I speak English and stop unconsciously imitating Japanese women. It's just not my style.

After dinner it was time for the second act, or the nijikai (after party in Japanese). This was orchestrated with a new seating chart and more alcohol to really help us bond. Act two consisted of an interactive bingo game on drugs where the male Professionals were called up on stage to do something embarrassing while an equal number of secretaries were called up to assist them in this. There were really no parts of the game in which the secretaries actually embarassed themselves or had to do anything gross, nor was there much room for the female Professionals to participate. Some of the games included telling the difference between $10 and $100 wine, tying four people together by putting stockings over their heads and having them try to pull apart, eating French pastries laced with wasabi, and drinking coke which had been laced with hot sauce, raw eggs, milk, you name it. For most games, the participants pointedly asked that a puke bucket be placed in front of them, because how normal is that?! As I said before, the female Professionals are really left out because this is secretly an omiai for the secretaries and male Professionals and the rest of us are just along for the ride.

The onsen was the best part and seeing the Professionals come to dinner wearing yukata bathrobes was so refreshing compared to seeing them slaving away in suits at the office. It's hard to imagine them leading lives outside of work (most of them don't) but seeing them unwind and wear jeans made me feel a little more sympathetic than I usually do. I unfortunately have no stories about being shunned or pointed at in the onsen as when I took a midnight and early morning dip I was almost the only one there. The main bath was a roten iwaburo which is a natural-looking outdoor pool surrounded by large rocks and other foliage. Having not left Tokyo's concrete jungle for quite a long time it was luxurious to soak in the onsen especially with so few people and no irritating conversations. For as crazy as they work the Japanese know how to do relaxing baths.

As annoying as the office politics are and the fact that I despise most of the secretaries I enjoyed the weekend despite myself. There's no use fighting the bullshit so I'm trying to do as the romans do (as much as my sanity will permit) and just let it all be.

This sign for Pachinko Ruby has no meaning and the parlour itself is long out of business but when I saw it during our treasure hunt on the first day I had to snap the trendy retro sign.