Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Guy talk

I got so whipped into a frenzy over my adventures with the beau's family that I completely forgot to mention the night we spent with his friends! Having no real Japanese girlfriends here I am generally more privy to guy talk than girl talk and I'm always a little shocked by the experience. Or maybe I'm not but it does give me something to think about.

I've gradually met the beau's friends for the most part, except for the time we went to a wedding after-party (nijikai) for one of his elementary school friends and I got to meet about twenty of them, from every grade of school. I'm usually well-received and this time was no different: when we entered the tatamid party room there were some incredulous stares and one guy even shouted out, Is she yours?! You have to keep in mind though, these people are from the countryside and the beau is probably the least likely candidate to bring home a white girl. I was immediately taken into the fold, one guy even felt we were tight enough to ask to see my nipples within the first hour of conversation. At the end of the after-after-party (sanjikai), there were some whispered conversations held and it was decided the beau and I would not be carrying on to the after-after-after-party because they were gender-specific and the bride was going off with her friends while the groom went off with his to a kyabakura.

I don't know if its just so boring in the countryside that the-paint-hasn't-even-dried newlyweds don't even want to spend their wedding night together but my jaw dropped when I heard that little nugget of information. The beau told me the bride and groom would meet up at the end of the night but come on! No wonder the divorce rates are spiking in this country, husbands can't even skip a visit to a cabaret club on their wedding nights! This is probably (hopefully) not a common situation however, as I don't know a Japanese woman who would stand for that on her wedding night. Then again, I'm only acquainted with Tokyo princesses.

Another time I was out with the boys I got to see the senpai-kohai relationship at its finest. One of the guys is remarkably younger than the rest and is without a doubt kohai to them all. He got to enjoy his position as kohai by being continually teased, which included punches to his abs to see how hard they were and more ill-intended ones to his groin area. And after that he was expected to go hit on whoever he was directed to by his loving senpai. It's a beautiful thing, isn't it? The beau and I often invite out the 3 university students who work for him when we go out drinking and the first couple times this happened I noticed that the beau always paid for them. And we weren't going to cheap izakaya either so the next few times I was a little hesitant to bring them along on our adventures so that the beau wouldn't have to be strapped for cash the next day. It was then explained to me that like many things here, "that's just the way it is". When the beau was younger and went out with his senpai, they always paid for him so now it's his turn to return the favour in a way, to his kohai. There is a plethora to be said on the senpai-kohai relationship among guys in Japan, but suffice to say it's a lot of mutual back-scratching, and some loving physical pain too.

This brings us back to our recent trip up north. Or maybe it doesn't but this is where I am taking us. We went to chill with the beau's friends at one of their houses and as is often the case, I was the only one without a penis in the room. Lucky for me, that still didn't stop his friends from discussing the fuzoku in the area. While exploring his fair village, the beau and I have talked about the entertainment to be had there and I learned that while he was growing up, there had only been kyabakura and snack bars (god I love how they use the word "snack") and to get any paid skin action, you would have to go to the next village over. According to his friends however, there were now a couple places in town where you can get your cork popped. I don't know if the guys assumed I wouldn't know what they were talking about when one of them asked "nuku toko aru no?" (basically, Is there a place to ejaculate, but the verb is slang and also means to omit or take out) and another, "honban? kuchi dake?" (Actual sex? Just oral?). By the time they got to "nan bon?" (How much?) I knew I hadn't heard incorrectly. You all know I have a morbid fascination with fuzoku but the guys certainly aren't aware that I've read enough about it to understand what they were talking about. In any case, a few of them are married and most of their talk can be chalked up to meaningless chatter but I do know that at least one of them has been known to pay visits to blow job establishments. I don't have a problem with paying for it, in fact I think prostitution should be legal. And if the beau's friend who is single and probably will be for the foreseeable future wants to go and pay for some pleasure of the flesh I don't care.

I did meet someone once however, who is not single and has gone to pay for blow jobs only to wind up also having intercourse. That latter piece of information is beside the point really, as my main issue, my only issue actually, is that his girlfriend thinks they are monogamous. I have no idea why he has gone to these places, the couple times I have heard about he was out drinking with a group of friends and they decided to ejaculate before going home. This guy is young and cute, and if I am to go by what I think is the prevailing feeling among many people Back Home, he shouldn't be paying for sex.

As I said, I do understand why the beau's friend visits fuzoku. I also understand that not everyone wants to be monogamous, although I do think those who don't should be honest about it. I just can't imagine being in Canada with a group of my ex's friends and listening them talking in any seriousness about paying for it. Maybe I was just chilling with the wrong crowd? Or, is it more a situation of opportunity? I do wonder what the story would be if Vancouver had parlours offering $50 blow jobs and there was a culture as such that supported it, whether outwardly or not. Would I be hearing the same kind of guy talk as I do here?

After establishing how much it would cost to visit a local fuzoku, the guys went on to other topics like work, home theatres and how much it would cost for a gravestone, and even did some internet shopping on our host's computer. I love hanging out with the beau's friends, as I usually find Japanese guys easier to be around and much more interesting to talk to than any Japanese girlfriends I've had in the past. I'm learning that this does come with a price though, as I often hear things I sometimes wish I didn't.


Kelley Dawne said...

Kay, now we HAVE to go to that ryokan in Fukushima and bring my friend Akiko along. She was the person who taught me my first dirty word in Japanese, 穴兄弟. haha.
She is much more western in her thoughts than any princess out here in Tokyo. I guarantee she will turn your opinion of Japanese girls around.

jaredinnakano said...

Wow, GEG! That's some eye-opening "hetero" male talk. From the "loving physical pain" of the senpai-kohai groin punching, to the casualness of "they decided to ejaculate before going home."

It must be your foreignness and incorrectly assumed lack of language skills that allows these guys to talk so crudely in front of you. Asking to see your nipples would appear to cross some line, though.

When the groom and his friends went to the hostess club, what sort of trouble did the bride and her friends get into? What kind of fun can a bad girl find in Japan? Can there be a female equivalent to "nuku toko aru no?"

Thanks again for teaching us some new words and phrases, and revealing what guys talk about when there are no ladies present.

Reannon said...

Wow, interesting about the whole 'no shame associated with seeing a prostitute' thing. I wouldn't think that'd be something you'd readily admit to your friends. Or something you'd need to resort to as long as you were young-ish and decent looking. Weird. Why is that?

astrorainfall said...

Relationships in the land of the rising sun are weird. I hear ya, girl.

I once had an American friend, who has lived here for close to 20 years, tell me that how Japanese men view foreign women is to be blamed on Japanese porn flicks. The foreign woman (Asian or Western) is always in a "strong, fierce, man-eating" (sorry, pun truly intended) roles.

But my question is, aren't there a ton of Hollywood shows out there that don't portray women like this?!

Well, I've to say that I've had encounters with Japanese men (and women) who think it's okay to blab about the pleasures of the flesh openly with gaijins. It's like foreign = very open. Not that I mind so much but I do see that a lot.

Green-Eyed Geisha said...

Kelley: I love the whole ana kyoudai thing, is there even an equivalent in English? We should totally go to that ryokan, ever since you told me about it I've been wanting to check it out!

jared: I have no idea what the girls got up to, I imagine they just went to an izakaya or on to another bar/lounge. I don't know what kind of fun bad girls have here but if I ever find out I will be the first to share. I read an article about volunteer gigalos but they are hardly for bad girls, and are mostly used by desperate housewives (excuse the stolen expression). I don't know if a butler cafe counts as a bad girl hang out but I am still up for it if you are!

Reannon: It's hard to understand isn't it? With people back home it is considered with shame and often looked on as a last resort for people who can't get it for free. I think the no-strings-attached thing is a big pull factor and just by virtue of the fact that these places are so abundant here people are more desensitized to it.

astrorainfall: That man-eating line made me laugh. I wonder if that means men are scared by this impression they have, or turned on by it? Maybe a bit of both? I agree that being foreign I am in a kind of grey zone that makes me open to all kinds of secrets and other talk. I don't mind though, it makes for interesting conversation!