Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I scare small children

I can count on one hand the number of times I've met Baby Mama, mother of my future niece. While she seems lovely and is certainly concerned with getting into everyone's good graces, we know virtually nothing about her. Indeed when we do meet we don't just sit there staring at each other, but I've passed a six-hour evening with her and couldn't tell you at the end of it anything of her schooling, interests, nay even her pedigree. As a result of this, I essentially wrote her off. And then I wrote her back on recently after a sleepover. Look at me, eating my words.

We went back to Saitama despite vowing to never return. I steeled myself for the journey and promised myself an extra beer for my troubles. The Baby (I forget what I have been calling her) is still pretty fucking cute but unfortunately wouldn't let me hold her long enough to get a quick fix on her baby head smell. Conversation was much as it always is and eventually we made our way back to BD and BM's apartment. Since BD is always working when we visit, this is the first time the four of us have been able to chill and GOD (get our drink on). A couple hours passed and it began to dawn on me in an Asahi Super Dry haze that Baby Mama was actually kind of fun. Not go out dancing and laugh about a bird eating my vom the next morning fun, but more fun than the blank personality I had wrongly assigned her. Sure I still think the whole Saitama shot-gun wedding ordeal is a bit tawdry but at least we were conversing like fairly well-adjusted ladies even if it was only about the brothers that bind us (yawn on that conversation topic). By the end of the evening, I decided I quite liked her and we even exchanged mail addresses at the urging of Baby Daddy, who said we should text back and forth and talk about "uh...stuff." I've always liked BD a lot and props to him for trying to cement our sororal alliance, but way to make it awkward dad.

Through a variety of circumstances, the Baby ended up in with the beau and I, and slept right through the night (bet you didn't expect to get such exciting content on GEG!) like a small sack of warm sweet-smelling potatoes. The next morning, however, we had a most rude awakening. She awoke slowly and sleepily but as soon as she looked over and saw me started screaming bloody murder. Is it my big nose?

Baby Mama and I have since been in touch a couple times, which, yes, I am admitting in public is kind of nice, although I'm still on the fence with how I feel about her calling me G-chan instead of Older Sister (refresher: she is a year older but as partner of the eldest son, my position trumps hers). Just as I thought we were really getting somewhere, BM is feeling the need to up the competition and has gotten herself pregnant again. I don't know exactly what put her over the edge, my kimono dressin' skillz or the promise of tangible career success in the future, but she is obviously getting antsy. What does this mean for me, her younger Older Sister? Insinuations at the dinner table over the New Year's period, that's what. We may even be facing direct orders to get married. Or perhaps a reiteration that it wouldn't be so bad were I to fall accidentally on purpose pregnant myself (できちゃえ!). Either way, it's ON.

19 comments:

Ms.Godzilla said...

できちゃえと言われても。。。

I totally do have the feeling that not being Japanese makes people think it is totally okay to forgoe hierarchy... or answer their cellphone while you are interviewing them (!?) Biiig mistake.

Totally rooting for you here, GEG!

kathrynoh said...

She's pregnant again? Is that even possible? Did she get knocked up during the pregnancy or something? I guess someone has to address that declining population thing.

Chris said...

"She awoke slowly and sleepily but as soon as she looked over and saw me started screaming bloody murder."

One of the reasons I don't want one. That sounds like horror but it's another day in the life around a squealing shitting little drool machine.

I was such a fucking terror myself I'm scared of having a little me to be honest.

April said...

Nice to know it's not just me that has that affect on children. I tell parents when their kids are around that, "Oh kids don't like me." They think I'm joking. I'm really not!

Sarahf said...

I reduced my friend's baby to tears the other day, by smiling at it. I just hope that I won't terrify my own kids. Another baby? And they say there's a declining population!

Rob said...

ださいたま! Sounds like you're making some big-happy-family progress.

This has nothing to do with your situation but who cares?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1R4rhY3qZ8

Jeffrey said...

Don't get too far ahead of yourself there, GEG. Until you seal the deal, you don't get to wear the onee-chan tiara.

I'm older than my "onii-chan."

Seconding Ms. Godzilla, playing the gaijin card can go both ways - lets you out of all kinds of nonsense but can mean you can become a piece of furniture as well.

Your months of absence from your "niece to be" probably explains the morning horrors.

Michelle said...

Poor thing expected the BM and you looked so different... it might have thought to have woken up in a different family. Now that's scary!

Let the games begin! :-D Families are great for some drama!

Anonymous said...

Children scare me. (><) If I was you the morning wake & scream situation would probably have been in reverse. (^^;)

Elaine said...

Should somebody have a talk with BM about birth control? My goodness...

And yes, I've scared babies silly. One friend's little girl SCREAMED when she saw me -- we figured it was the blue eyes. This was especially funny because my friend wasn't Asian either, but she and the hubby had brown eyes.

BiggerInJapan said...

what's with the baby booming among the J-bloggers?? Please, no more!できちゃえなくていい。

Corinne said...

I'm so happy Baby mama isn't a total waste of space, I feel some kind of connection to the dekkichatta girls, we're not all baby making hoes! :D

As for the baby, I have one and another on the way and they still scare the shit out of me, wait till she can talk, then you can negotiate with her to make her like you!

Unknown said...

Where you at bitch? You dead?

Sarah said...

Hope all is well--maybe you're just concentrating on that baby....

Anonymous said...

So have you stopped blogging or just taking a break?

WildPandasEatU said...

Please come back, I miss your posts!

Anonymous said...

Come back, I miss your posts!

A longtime fan.. said...

Any word on whether you'll be back? I've enjoyed all of your posts immensely!

Kym said...

Discovered your blog too late, but just spotted your comment on someone else's. Glad to know u r alive, and hope things are going well. Thanks for the hilarious blog.