Please do it on the mountain

These manner posters are on a fast downward spiral if you ask me. What seemed innovative and full of possibility at the outset has now turned into a play-it-safe campaign that does nothing to shock or stun.

I mean please, do it on the mountain?! Now maybe I'm taking the phrase too literally when all the Metro people mean to say is the phrase printed below ("Please be considerate of others when holding bulky belongings"), but I'd like to see some relevance people! The only train carrying people with "bulky belongings" or hiking gear is the Chuo line out to Mt. Takao. And frankly, if we were to accept this hiking scenario, the woman should be in heels because really, what's a little mountain climbing if you can't look good doing it?

If we are going to look beyond the mountain analogy and consider all "bulky belongings", I think we should start with foreigners because I for one, never see Japanese people struggling like idiots with large items on the train. They know what's up and when travelling with large suitcases they use a luggage delivery service. The lack of elevators and wheel-friendly features at train stations is not welcoming to the carrier of bulky belongings. Many foreigners of course don't know this and think dragging their suitcases from train to train will be a piece of cake. Perhaps a piece of shit cake. I've said it before and I'll say it again-the postal delivery system of this fair nation is incredible. You can send anything anywhere in the country and usually in less than 24 hours. Want to send your golf clubs ahead so that you don't need to schlep them on the train? No problem. Want to send some frozen meat to your relatives down South? Sure. Bought some furniture at Muji and need it sent to your home? Right this way. Yes yes yes.

So it is that I've come to the conclusion that this month's manner poster is just not realistic or representative of city life in Tokyo. Sure creepy sweepy is on board pretending to read a book when he is really looking for some ass to grab, but even he is being prevented from doing his job by this fictitious Tanaka-san with his many backpacks and flat-heeled woman. I for one want to see some action. I want to see the nitty gritty of what people really experience on the subway. Leering stares, vomit and sharp elbows. This is a plea to the people at the Metro to get back their edge!! Who's with me?